The Weekly Ass Clown – Gun-Rights Crazy Person Edition

Posted on December 18, 2012


ass clown /as kloun/ n: an abject failure who is simultaneously arrogant, condescending and obnoxious. Synonym: douchebag

newtown ctThis very special edition of the Weekly Ass Clown highlights some of the RWNJ gun-rights activists that said absolutely idiotic things in the wake of the Sandy Hook elementary school massacre. These Ass Clowns should be forever banned from any public statements on any matter of any social importance.

Here they are:

  • Mike HuckabeeA couple of theories. This past week the Huckster had two equally moronic reasons why the massacre took place. His first reason was that it happened because of a lack of God in schools, then in true douchbag fashion, Huckleberry laid this goodie on us – Sandy Hook happened because of tax-funded abortion pills.
  • Bryan FischerGod let massacre happen in public school because he’s not wanted there. The disgusting radio-show host and spokesperson for the anti-gay hate group known as the American Family Association, put the blame for the massacre squarely on the Supreme Court, which outlawed organized public school prayer in 1962, as seen in this clip captured by Right Wing Watch.

“I think God would say to us, ‘Hey, I’d be glad to protect your children, but you’ve got to invite me back into your world first… I’m not gonna go where I’m not wanted; I am a gentleman.’” Fischer continued in his imagined voice of God.

So, Ass Clown Fischer, you really think that God would be that disturbed by not having kids in school pray to him (her) that they would take it out on 20 innocent children and six teachers? Utterly absurd.

“If I had been a teacher or the principal at the Sandy Hook Elementary School and if the school district did not preclude me from having access to a firearm, either by concealed carry or locked in my desk, most of the murdered children would still be alive, and the gunman would still be dead, and not by suicide.”

  • Ann Coulter – Queen Mediawhore. By 11:07 a.m. on Friday morning, Ann Coulter, the heartless RWNJ cuntbag, was touting concealed-carry laws as the answer to America’s massacre problem. Coulter’s first tweet on the subject came so soon after the killings, that there was no definitive count yet of the number of people who had perished: “Only one policy has ever been shown to deter mass murder: concealed-carry laws”At 11:30, she tweeted: “I’m on Hannity radio today, talking about the 1 public policy that provably (sic) reduces the incidence of, and deaths from, mass shootings.”It’s not the first time that Coulter has expressed her love for guns in the wake of murder. At a Florida church in 2007, Coulter described the assassination of a doctor who performed abortions as “a procedure performed on him with a rifle.”
  • Larry PrattNo Gun-Free Zones. The executive director of Gun Owners of America and tremendous nutjob, argued in this USA Today op ed that gun-free zones should be abolished and that shootings, like Aurora and Newtown, only happen in gun-free zones
  • Megan McArdleBum rush the Shooter. In perhaps the dumbest advice an adult has ever given any other human being, Newsweek’s Megan McArdle proposes training children to run at active shooters when confronted with a person holding a semi-automatic assault rifle.  Interesting… if you want to die.

“Chris, I wish to God she had had an M4 in her office, locked up so when she heard gunfire, she pulls it out … and takes him out and takes his head off before he can kill those precious kids,” Gohmert said.

So let’s take a look at the good ole M4, favored by the U.S. Military. Sounds like a clear fix to me…

The debate essentially focuses on the balance between public safety and the scope of the Constitutional rights under the Second Amendment.  As a Firm, we are investors, not statesmen or policy makers.  Our role is to make investments on behalf of our clients who are comprised of the pension plans of firemen, teachers, policemen and other municipal workers and unions, endowments, and other institutions and individuals.  It is not our role to take positions, or attempt to shape or influence the gun control policy debate.  That is the job of our federal and state legislators.

I have emphasized these portions because it is indicative of the heartless financial mercenaries that exist in private equity. These people, of whom I was one in a previous life, are motivated by money and nothing else. Duty to society, duty to community, duty to one’s fellow human being are foreign to these people and it is extremely rare when moral compulsions enter into the investment decision process.

Congrats Huckster, Fischer, Richardson, Michigan Legislature, Coulter, Pratt, McArdle, Gohmert and Cerberus, you have become this very special edition’s Weekly Ass Clown! An honor bestowed on only the most asinine in this society we live. Great job, Ass Clowns!